Our Happy Family

late

2010-01-09T11:32:00.002+08:00

Happy belated 7 months old Jack.

Yes i'm late but these few weeks is really tough.

Jack started his 7 months with high fever hitting 39.9degs and it fluctuates between 38deg to 39.9degs for 5 days. The rush to hospital 3 days in a row is madness, seeing him suffer, all i can do is to carry him, sponge him, take his temperature every half an hour, setting alarm every hour to check on him even in the night, forcing medicine down.. everything i can do to bring him back to normal. Bought kool fever pad but all turn hot, literally hot within 3 to 5 mins after putting on his forehead.. what he got was broncholities, airway infection. Cough, running nose and the wheezing sound made him felt worst, every few minutes he will be coughing his lung out or wake up crying because he cannot breathe.

It was really tough especially with my on off fever, cough, running nose ( i think i passed to him) and the pressure from the in-laws, the blaming. As the mother, i'm already stress and worried, no help or advise, just blaming. The only good thing is Jack is willing to drink all his milk at a slower pace cos he cannot breathe through his nose, knowing that he must drink water, that was the only period he drinks water at least 5 times more than usual.

After one week of suffering, fever is gone on new year day, cough and running nose still stays but better and finally seeing his smiles...today leaving the occassional cough.

After the infection episode, he gets more sticky, cranky and more mobile. Its really difficult to take care of him now. Teething? nope, checked and its not. Growth spurt cos he has been waking up 2 times in the night and refuse to sleep till i gave him milk but nope, analyse his milk intake in the day and the total for the day and he took less milk in the day which explain the hunger in the night.

Increase his milk volume to 200ml, 5 bottles per day, 2 bowls of porridge, 1 bowl of rice cereal and he manage to sleep from 11pm to 6am.

Still monitoring him though. Still giving BM, decides to throw away all the frozen ones because no one wants.

So for now the tough gets going.

6 months

2009-12-04T11:39:00.002+08:00

Jack hit the half yr mark last saturday

Liking the jumperoo more, sometimes when we are carrying him, he will turn to look at the jumperoo.

Experiencing the stranger anxiety, he will scream when we go to new places or anyone except us carry him. This is a big headache to me, sometimes just reluctant to bring him out.

Talking about going out, no car and i cannot really go to far places with Jack alone. I tried once when i brought him to SMH Jun 09 mummies meetup and i would say its pretty alright. But i have to walk to mrt which took me 20mins and back another 20mins and i have to take mrt when its off peak so not much ppl.

Can flip but when he knows we are around, he just refuse to flip but he can sit unsupportted very well, sometimes he try to balance himself. Still need to be around him, he is not that stable to be left alone yet. So next will be crawling and cruising along furnitures?

Can't wait for him to walk then its easier to bring him out

BM wise, freezer is almost full and i even have a box of it in the stand alone freezer cos Jack only drinks 5 feeds of milk everyday and i can produce 6 feeds worth sometimes even more so have to freeze the rest but timing cannot change otherwise supply will be affected. That makes my decision to provide BM for 1 yr, hope i can stick to it.

Rice cereal, baby biscuits and purees are just like finger food to him. He still wants his milk either before or after food, maybe once he grows older or reach 7 months then i will try to replace one feed with one cereal.

Initially Jack was saying da da na na, now he don't say that but make weird sounds and just yesterday he suddenly knows how to scream, not crying scream but pure talking with screams, talk scream, scream talk.

Seeing him progress though no as fast makes me happy

My lil boy knows i'm sick today so he look at me in the morning with a very concern look but he still wants me to carry him sometimes, what a cute boy and a really smart boy. More facts proven that babies are really smart, they knows what is going on just that they cannot express themselves. Now hope i did not pass the virus to him.

Intending to do scrapbooking but don't know how to go about

last straw

2009-11-14T20:47:00.002+08:00

This is the last straw.

Don't let me step in because things will turn out very nasty.

If i hear anything regarding the matter again, That is it.

updates

2009-11-09T10:31:00.003+08:00

Jack enjoys the massage sessions very much and he is the most talkative baby in the class, also the eldest haha.

According to the teacher, Jack apprently "skipped" the milestone of flipping and go on to sitting with his hands support in the front and starting to say words like da da, na na, ma ma.

Well these few days he has been turning to his side but his backside is too heavy to turn .... i'm alright with his learning curve haha but i just hate ppl saying him lousy, stupid, useless...etc.. you can say me but not my loved ones.

whenever he sees me, he will go na na na na.. haha

drinking lesser, now the freezer is almost full with my BM and i have been thinking whether to try to go for one yr instead of just 6 months.. shall see how, sometimes its really tiring.

whatever i'm holding esp food and drinks, Jack will try to snatch from me and open his mouth wide. So far all the puree that i introduce he took them well. Today will be the start for cereal.

Still don't smile much but its more than the past 2 months.

Finally had a talk with simon on Jack's education, kiasu? haha actually a hidden agenda behind this talk. Well won't say it here otherwise this talk we had will be back to square one again.

Till today i still think i have done the right thing, simon says well if they think we owe them, let them be in their own world, we don't need them anyway.

anyway chirstmas is coming, no christmas celebrations i think, well even if there is i think i will just pass the presents then go off, or maybe stay for a while depending on Jack's mood.

but good thing to look forward is Harry's mum's homemade turkey, best! every year she has to make two or three of it and usually by the 2nd hour, all gone.

well most important is Jack now, the rest is not important. I'm deemed as the bad guy so be it, as the useless person so be it, troublemaker so be it, lowest lifeform on earth so be it. Everyone else is the king and queen.

a trip for simon and i coming up (hopefully) but i'm worried about Jack.

people

2009-10-29T10:58:00.003+08:00

how cunning one can get

how greedy one can get

how rude one can get

how stupid one can get

...etc...

many types of people in this world and just within my circle of people, i can see so many, imagine the world out there..

sad i would say

celest ask why after going into uni then she see all sorts of people, back stabbers, selfish...etc.. i don't know how to answer but after thinking, I would say we are being well protected and loved till recently when we really go out to interact with people more, not say we are not protected and loved anymore but even in our own family, as it gets bigger (age wise n number wise), more conflicts, more problems, the ugly side of a person comes out.

As a family, after conflicts, we sort out and just put everything behind and we are happy again, thats the environment both of us grew up in. But outside, people don't forgive and forget. I have my fair share of experiencing all these negative issues, and it started from as early as secondary school but i know at the end of the day, my family is with me and will always be there for me.

But now, the word sad is an understatement.

Ever since i started to work for simon's family, though the word "family" is hang on their mouth, actions are otherwise. Yes although i'm being treated slightly better than how i was treated by outsiders, my impression of what is a family has changed. Imagine a family don't celebrate birthday cos they treat celebrating b'days as celebrating death of parents (meaning the risk of dieing when giving birth), the birth of your children is a burden and a duty rather than a joy. That was what I was told when I wanted to celebrate someone's b'day in the house, forgotten its one of theirs or simon's. Anyway I have since stop mentioning about celebrating anything in this house, until Jack's full month, maybe thats why i got into trouble again.

So with this kind of mindset and after TRYING to know them for so long, i can say that any words and actions made are negative to them. They already have a negative image of me in their minds so no matter how hard i tried to please them, the negative impact will be even greater. All i can say is i tried my best and i have given up. I will still be concern about their well being and still buy stuff for them but whether my image in them change for the better or worst, I don't care anymore but don't say or do it in front of me cos i don't know when i will go crazy and start killing.

Even i myself is changing for the worst?... life...

5 months

2009-10-29T10:31:00.002+08:00

Jack is 5 month old already!!

more playful

sleeps lesser... sometimes he can sleep at 9pm till 7am, sometimes he can sleep at 12am and wake up at 6.30am, quite unpredictable but we will know when he is tired and wants to sleep, in the day he is easily waken up or sometimes he won't sleep like 8hrs straight.

still don't quite like to smile unless we tickle him or massage his legs, very precious and priceless smiles

sometimes we won't know he is hungry or not cos he don't cry for milk, sometimes he does but when he don't cry, he will start biting our shirts or try to take anything to eat.

initially he does not like to sit in the jumperoo but after getting used to it, he can sit inside for at least an hour.

drinking lesser as compared to last month maybe due to the wind in his stomach. Hopefully can get rid of the wind after the 1st lesson of massage this Saturday Finally able to tell us that he is full and does not want to drink anymore rather than drinking everything that we give him

started him with pumpkin purée, he is ok with it but did not poo for 4 days and finally gave a big one so simon say to delay his solid intake first till he is ready.

and two major shock to me recently cos he cry until so hard that he was unpacifiable. I can only think that he got a shock of the environment that he had no time to react or observe properly, now I am considering whether to bring him out this Saturday to meet friends or not.

As for flipping, I still need to help by giving a little push or guiding him how to move his legs rather than the body only.

He likes to sit and stand rather than lying down.

Really looking forward in starting him on solids properly. Looking forward to his half year mark, his 1 yr old....etc..

childish?

2009-10-26T09:36:00.002+08:00

him and her

I can only say that they are childish, self pity, another king and queen wanna be. The whole episode has ended, well they want it to affect them for their life so be it, don't let it affect them also so be it, either ways is none of my business. They want to push all the blame to others, so be it, let others be the judge. From the start i was never close with them so with or without them in my life, it made no difference to me.

him and her

well if borrowing something from you can make you so mad, please reject it or even though you are mad at something else, kindly keep the anger to yourself and not vent it on everything. I have enough things to bother and angry at, I don't need any additonal emotion ride.

him and her

after knowing them for so many years i realise there is so much more that i don't know about them. "queen" and "king" are the right word to describe them i think. Nobody will ever know what are they thinking or how to please them. Well maybe someone knows thats why they like him so much.

hmm so after reading, can you identify who is who, well it can applies to anyone and everyone. So if you think i'm writing about you, so be it, if not then thats good. I realise no matter how hard one tries or even both parties try, it is never easy to get along well with others. Though two person may be best friends but they are back stabbing each other behind, so who is the real who, front or back?

I'm really gald i have simon who is one who don't bother about other ppl's politics. good and bad, bad cos you will never understand the person causing the person to hate you more (but then again, is it the real her or him you understand?). Good because it does not affect his life and also a constant reminder to me to not bother about ppl and also to pull me back from sadness.

Happy Belated 4 months old

2009-10-01T10:23:00.002+08:00

Happy Belated 4 months old, Jack!

You have been a very good boy for the past one month.

Sleeps throughout the night from 9pm or latest 10pm till 7am, however easily frighten by the dogs barking in the day.

Timid boy i would say, this is a no no, how to protect your girlfriendsssssss next time? LOL Getting lazy to hold your milk bottle, sometimes only hold with one hand and flipping? no more trying your best to flip?

hmm

Brought him to the poly clnic for his 4th month jab, brave boy, did not cry at all, whine a little, maybe tired cos fell asleep after i carry him out of the room.

very fat boy..haha above 75% for weight and only 50% for height???? where is the 90% height?? hope he don't be short and fat.

Play basketball k?, Jack

After which, bought him back for milk before bringing out for his rotarix and lunch with daddy.

Really good boy, was so smiley to everyone and sit quietly playing with your rattle/teether or my fingers while waiting for your turn to see the PD.

Tried to decrease your milk intake after knowing that you are a fat baby, 8kg!!! and you seems ok with it. Shall monitor a few more days... means this mummy here have been overfeeding you!!!

Be good, Jack! Mummy and daddy here waiting very eagerly for your first milestone!!!

Enjoy!

plans

2009-09-21T10:44:00.003+08:00

decision making time

After a talk with simon, we have decided that I should start all over again for my remaining subjects next year Jan.

After that plan B maybe? depending whats happens from now and throughout next year.

Currently working from home, now full force, means i have to complete what was given to me the night before. Well i don't intend to go back office due to the moving here and there and also after i found a Roach at my desk area when i went back to find something one day. eek!! well we shall see how once they are done with the moving.

All the planning just made me excited.

My MIL wants to go Japan again!!!! lol i thought she didnt enjoy herself the other time cos either i was sick or i did not plan the routes that she wants which she can't do much but just shopping. Is it that nice to go with us? or she don't enjoy other countries she went? or is it because everywhere you go, ppl just bow and address you that makes you feel like a queen...haha

anyway we told her to give us time to plan cos we intend to bring Jack along.

I also need to plan my korea trip with my mum!!!

I intend to sponsor my grandparents to cruise too or somewhere they want to go, but I need to plan my finances first!! argh!!!

Jack's 1st Birthday celebration is also sort of fixed. Well no big celebration with fancy birthday cakes or whatever, just the 3 of us going out and maybe with close friends along.

I'm excited about Christmas again!! I'm definitely bringing Jack to see the lightings and enjoy the atmosphere at orchard.

I hope next year's CYN won't be as bad as compared to previous years.

Anyway i'm sort of free till the end of the year, meaning no need to stress about the exams and study like mad.

So friends who are really bored over the weekends can call me to meet...hehe or you can feel free to come over to be few hours nanny...haha kidding.

2009-09-20T13:59:00.001+08:00

was told off by my dad to delete

by the way i'm not talking bad about you

Its been a while

2009-09-19T13:02:00.002+08:00

the last time i blog was the start of 7th month, now its over means Jack will be sleeping outside from monday onwards.

Hopefully the noise outside won't wake him up eg dog barking at 2, 3 am, vehicles starting engine at 5am to 7am...etc..

He sleeps through the night from 9 or 10pm to 8am except for the time when he has blocked nose but its cleared. I'm happy simon and i stand firm in not bringing him to see doctor and let his immune system fight the virus and also to build his immunity.

I would say he is stronger than both of us. When all 3 of us fell sick, he was the only one still actively playing and doing his kungfu kicks and punches. Despite the constant nagging to bring him to see doctor for his flu, i did not (well i almost gave in...almost).. haha the wonders of breast milk.

His neck is very firm now though he still look down most of the time, wonder is he finding gold on the floor...lol.. maybe like me, head always down (hey but i found alot of money on the floor last time when i was young, largest being a $50 note..haha)

anyway Jack is also starting to show signs of flipping. Occasionally he tried to flip but always stuck halfway and he will go ma ma ma ma in a pitiful tone. Well if thats his first word, i would gladly accept it...haha

Anyway his grips are also getting stronger, don't know how much of my hair are being pulled out by him already.

I actually thank god that he is really an easy baby to take care. He does not cry for milk anymore except when you show him his bottle with milk yet don't give him.

He is able to differentiate between an empty bottle and a one with milk and he will open his mouth and lean forward to the one with milk. Clever boy. He is also able to hold the bottle himself but sometimes he rather play with our fingers.

He don't sleep much in the day already, every nap does not go longer than one hr, sometimes only mere 15 mins and he is awake but he can play by himself for an hour or so.

Bought a swimming tub for him to swim in and he enjoys it.

My boy is growing up well.

Breast milk is able to meet his demands currently and i have used up all the frozen breast milk, leaving two packs worth 200ml each. Its going to be 3 months without touching the formula milk, thanks to the stored frozen milk when supply was really low till i almost gave up. Aiming for the 4 months without touching it but i guess its difficult cos we are bringing him out more often and we decide to use formula when we are out.

Thats all for his updates.

All pictures can be found in my facebook account.

updates

2009-08-30T12:22:00.002+08:00

Firstly

Happy Belated 3 months old Jack!

Our first attempt to really bring him out last saturday

bad choice without the sarong sling

the stroller that was given to us was useless, not only big, bulky and heavy, it does not serve the purpose we intend it to. Well i shall say no more because despite me telling him not to buy because big items like this need the users to see and test before buying it but no it was sent to us without any notice.

I know his good intentions but not only it was a waste of money, should have put in an ang bao and give it as Jack's education fund, it will be a white elephant until maybe jack is 1 or 2 yrs old, but daddy commented, "he should be walking already, why need stroller, don't want to walk, don't go out" lol

so conclusion is sling rocks! haha though i'm still having some difficulties in using it at time.

I have yet to bring him to church. Wanted to do so today but it rained so here Jack and i at home. Its so uncomfortable without simon with me in the house.

Brought Jack for his 5 in 1 jab on friday and before his jab, he was hungry and crying for milk, the needle went in but he seems to have no feeling to it, instead of crying even more, he actually quiet down when i carry him upright, when it comes to play and walking around, hunger and pain are secondary.

He weighs 6.8kg and height is 61cm .

A tall baby in the 90th percentile.

Went home to monitor him for any fever but its clear.

Since polyclinic does not have rotarix, I called the baby and kids clinic to book an appt the next day.

Daddy is not free so this mummy here, carrying Jack in the sling, with his diaper bag and took a bus to the clinic and home.

Clap clap for mummy...haha and he sleeps without wanting his milk so i have to throw away the one i brought out and give him another bottle.

thats all for the updates...

hopefully the rain clears, i need to go out.

sleep throughout but i'm still tired

2009-08-20T10:08:00.000+08:00

Jack's sleeping and feeding pattern is sort of fixed, hopefully he will stay like this or change for even better timing.

But simon and i are even more tired than before

My work load is getting more and as usual no appreciation, just throw more and even more demands like expect it to be done and complete NOW!

Worst is i have not started studying, i have to skip this decemeber's exam and start all over again by taking classes, now my plan of graduating will be delayed by 2 years.

I HATE IT

And also the little princess is out. Congrats!!

Now the nightmare starts again, the scoldings that simon and i predict will sure come true. Gotten one yesterday, we shall see how many more to come. Indeed the difference even in the next generation.....

Wanted to plan for a short weekend cruise without Jack so we asked her whether is it ok for her to take care over the weekends, well she is not happy about it.

One part of me knows i will miss Jack if we just go, another part of me wants to bring him along, another part of me just decide not to go and to take care of Jack even though we need a break.

This week i have been bringing Jack out for a short walk to sembawang shopping centre and back, but he always falls asleep during the walk and wakes up when we reach home. Should i give up the sarong carrier and get a proper carrier so i can bring him out properly? but other baby carrier cost like 200+ damn, where do i have this kind of money

Lastly the 7 month is here, pantang or not, i chose to believe and bring Jack's cot into our room again. Poor daddy cannot watch his movies with sound blasting from the speakers. Well one month daddy, one month and poor slave boy has to be out of the room and suffer in sweat again.

sleep throughout

2009-08-12T09:37:00.000+08:00

monitored Jack for a week after we moved him out of the room

Well this good boy of ours sleeps through the night even there is no air con for him and every morning he is covered in sweat.

anyway it is still quite unpredictable, sometimes he wakes up at 4 or 5am for milk but it also depends what time he sleeps and how long he sleeps in the day.

If he don't sleep much in the afternoon, latest 10pm he will sleep and sleeps all the way to 7am

If he sleeps more in the afternoon, he will sleep around 9pm or 10pm and wake up for milk at around 4am or 5am

Sometimes unplanned circumstances disrupted his sleeping pattern, for example on monday 10/08/09 , he did not sleep much in the afternoon because we brought him to James's wedding lunch so he was wide awake all the time, only slept for 10minis? though he was sleepy. so once we reach home and after he drank his milk, we went out alone, leaving him at home and he slept all the way till 11pm or 12am when he open his eyes, i just feed him milk without him asking..haha cos i know if i let him continue to sleep, the next few days will be a terrible day and night for me. Anyway he still woke up for milk at 5am but everything then went back to normal i would say.

I missed my uninterupted sleep in the night and sleeping as and when i want during the weekends =(

new schedule?

2009-08-04T10:20:00.002+08:00

moved Jack's cot out to the common area to sleep since sunday night.

He knows that he is in a different environment so since 4am monday morning, he refuse to sleep.

Bought a rocker chair for him to entertain himself and he refuse to sleep the whole of monday morning and afternoon, not even half an hour.

He knocked out at 9pm but still wake up at 5am for milk and woke up 8am this morning.

Means he sleeps only 11hrs in total.

Is it because a change of environment? he is getting older and can differentiate between day and night so he is sleeping lesser in the day now?

Still monitoring him but then I became more tired, i also knocked out at around 9.30pm yesterday, lucky simon is here to help me take care of Jack if he wakes up (I'm a deep sleeper, remember?)

Wanted to start studying yesterday but the work load is really too much now, given that i have to entertain Jack who now don't sleep in the day and I still have to stanby in the night in case he wakes up.

Why can't she understand? Whenever I tried to tell her abt the work load, she just brush it off and tell me to make him sleep or let him play by himself. (Hello I'm doing work out of goodwill but you take it for granted already, no increment somemore, no appreciation)

regrets

2009-08-02T22:39:00.003+08:00

the regrets since the start of the pregnancy

we did not plan and think properly when we wanted a kid after all the "events" have happen.

I should have completed my studies and project first before trying for one.

I should have just taken everything easy and not get angry even at the slightest things causing Jack to have a hot temper.

I should have eaten more healthy food than junk food.

I should have control my weight.

I should have diligently apply stretch mark cream or oil, now suffering from the forever there marks.

I should have stand firm and told simon to hire the confinement lady and shut everyone up even after she and someone psycho simon that we no need one but ended up its my fault.

I should not have asked permission saying that my friends want to come and visit me which ended up having a "full month celebration" and from me respecting her by asking permission became not respecting her and causing her to lose face. (When the intended idea was to have a gathering with my friends only and send cakes to relatives only) Well its my fault to not convey properly, plan properly, execute properly.

Well i know its all over, i can forget abt it but not others.

Like i mentioned before since i know simon, all the things, events that have happened was remembered by everyone and were being dug up (good become bad, bad become worst) whenever we are being scolded.

Ever since, i have became a really rotten person in everyone's eyes, a greedy person, a person who married simon for his and his family money, a person who expects a favour back, a person who knows how to disrupt the relationship of the whole family, etc.

I seriously don't know what i have done or portray to being labelled as this kind of person.

I'm really really depress even now and now my life is being run by others, what i do, say, plan, go, anything have to first ask permission, asked for opinion.

Simon told me:

"would you rather we suffer than all 3 of us suffer", "would you rather get scolded than to have another round of shit lecturing sessions and all 3 of us suffers again?", "would you want Jack's childhood to be unhappy one and affect his life forever?"

What can i say when he said that? of course i sacrifice and suffer in silence.

I'm just depress when i think of how ppl think of me when i'm not that kind of person they think i am

PASSED

2009-07-29T02:39:00.000+08:00

I got to blog this down even in the wee hours of the morning

I PASSED MY PROJECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That means I'm a degree holder already.. YAY!!!!

I'm a confirmed 2nd Class Degree Holder, lower or upper class, will have to wait for the certificate to arrive, if my calculations are right based on my overall results, it should be upper.

Although it may not be as prestigious as most degree programme because some of you might not even heard it before but its ok. As long its recognised by ACCA and most accounting firms its good enough for me.

I'm definitely going for the ceremony but that will be next year already, waiting for their news in December. Woo I can bring Jack along, I'm so excited!!

Finally my dream of taking photo with Simon and my family in the graduate costume (haha I don't know whats that called) can be fulfilled, and even better with my darling Jack with us some more.

Next aim will be to pass my remaining subjects by December 2010, hopefully by Jul next year if i can sit for this December's exam and pass it.

2 Months

2009-07-28T11:08:00.000+08:00

Happy 2 Months old to Jack

To many it may seems so fast but to me its so slow

Well at least he is growing well, taking avg of 150ml of milk every 3 hrs and surprising he can sleep for 6 hours in the night from either 9 or 10pm to 3 or 4pm without waking up for the 12am or 1am feed. I don't know is it because we always play with him from 7 or 8pm after his milk till he is really tired and knock out latest 10pm or he knows that it is night time and starting to "sleep" throughout. Well we still wish that his last feed is around 10pm or 11pm then hope he will sleep through till 7am.

Well I can only say, let its nature takes its course, but if around 4 or 5 months and he is still not sleeping throughout with our ideal timing of 9pm to 7 or 8pm then its time to train him.

Milk supply still able to meet his demands and sometimes even have excess but i'm trying to clear those in the freezer maybe leaving 5 packets in case simon and I go out too long on weekends, at least there is still a backup. As much as I want to time and give him the freshest milk, I gave up planning the timing, I just express and store in the fridge and when its time, i just heat up and give him. Sometimes the fridge have like storage of 2days worth that I ran out of bottles to store and not able to even use the ones in the freezer.

I have also stretch the timing so to decrease the milk supply, because going out is really difficult esp if for the whole day and there is no more space for me to store the milk in the freezer or fridge (considering one more baby is coming and i need to leave space for them too and also a household of 6 and more ppl, the amount of food consume is not little)

I initially thought giving BM won't last till 2months due to the unpredictable supply but slowly the supply was able to meet his demands maybe because he miss a feed or two. Recently I also realise it is difficult to go out properly because I will feel very painful and we always have to rush back to take care of Jack (he is still quite troublesome to bring out given that his head is not stable and when he wants milk he wants it now).

Stopping early than I want is because I hope to take my exams again this decemeber and resume my lessons next year. Imagine I don't have a work place that promotes BF or expressing milk and storing it in the fridge before bringing it home (I don't know what the workers will do to the milk and I don't want any contamination to it) and with a school with only 2 toilet cubicals, I cannot take up one for abt half to one hr and leaving ppl to hate me and break time is only 15mins. Instead of being so troublesome I think i will just stop totally by novemeber.

We see how

The supplies he use is really crazy, eg. diapers, wipes, soaps, powder etc. We have to stock up like every 2 weeks and every time it costs like 100+ to 200+ thats why i hope he grows up faster. I tried using cloth nappy for one day and i'm practically standing in front of him changing almost every 5 mins till my neck, back, hand, whole body hurts and weighing the time and money spent to change him and washing from nappy to nappy, clothes to clothes, I decide to just buy those house brand lke giant to use for the day and only the expensive ones for the night.

I'm still trying to think of what to use to replace the wipes in the day, cotton wool and water? Maybe I should try that for a week and see how.

Although we say stop at one, we are already planning for the next and will be the last if its a girl. Well of course not so soon, wait until Jack is 2 or 3 years old, I finish my ACCA, get a job and hopefully moved out by then. We shall see how too.

And after many many attempts to hold celebrations without getting scolded and shit in this house, we gave up!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are not going to hold anymore "events" in this house not even Jack's 1st B'day and to be fair and not invite scolding and said as being unfilial AGAIN! We are not going to celebrate Jack 1st B'day with my family side too. Sad eh.

Maybe Simon and I will just buy a cake and bring him to some kids restuarant to eat and make him happy.

Thats why i say Jack is a slave boy because of his parents' stupidity

Jack

2009-07-26T11:30:00.003+08:00

I'm loving my boy more each day...

but he will still stress me out when he screams and cry even after I have done all the diaper changing, colic check, feeding...etc...

I think he does not like to be in the sling or is it i tie too hard and his hand is in a weird position.

Yesterday on my way to celest b'day, Jack woke up and cry very loudly, thats when I know his whole body is numb and i quickly take him out from the sling and massage him. Poor boy cry until his tears dried up, cough and cough, shiver, my heart just breaks knowing that i retricted his movements and made him so uncomfortable.

Everything is ok when we reach my grandma's place.

Jack's photos

2009-07-24T12:16:00.000+08:00

Jack's photo at

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jling1212

for now

All abt Jack

2009-07-24T10:06:00.002+08:00

Have transfered the photos of Jack, the slave boy, from my phone to the comp but i cannot upload to the blog. Is it my settings? anyway I could not be bothered.

Jack is getting fatter...haha and cuter. Beside really hungry for milk or trying to seek attention after we left him alone for a long time, he seldom scream now.

Sometimes he even scold me while drinking his milk because I make him wait too long.

But after he is full and not really tired, he will just stare at me, i stare at him, i feel time really stops there. Everytime I talk to him, he will either smile or reply with his Oo, ar, coo sounds.

He recognise his daddy, whenever Simon is around, Jack will search for him and just stare at him, telling daddy to play with him ignoring my presence haha.

Still waking up in the night for milk. Well some mummies out there actually trained their kids to sleep throughout the night by not bothering even they scream for milk or give them just water. I cannot bear to see him go hungry.

Ok he is awake for milk, signing off before he scold me again.

Missing a feed

2009-07-17T10:26:00.003+08:00

These few days, Jack has been missing a feed but sad to say its not the timing that simon and i wished it would be.

Thanks to people who only wants him to sleep sleep sleep, don't even play with him. When Jack open his mouth, wanting to talk or show that he is happy, he is being scolded for opening his mouth.

Usually either simon and i will give him a body wipe or a bath in the evening depending how much he sweats or vomit his milk that day then feed him. After that I expect them to play with him till his next feed at around 10 or 11pm. This is what i hope to train him so he sleep throughout the night at least till 5am, missing the 2am feed so the following next few months i slowly stretch his feeding till 7.30am.

But no, Jack is always returned to me, sleeping at 8.30pm and he will miss his 11pm feed and wake up at 1 or 2am for his milk and at 5am for another.

I'm really really tired to the point that simon has to stay up till Jack's 2am feed to either feed him if he can't wake me up because I'm a very deep sleeper or if i can wake up to feed Jaack so he can sleep. This is draining both of us to zombies.

Yet nobody knows our pain and expect us to work work work.

Jack is more alert and sleeps lesser now in the day then before but i do not have the time, energy or the patience to play and entertain him. I feel so guilty yet I really don't have the energy and i get pissed off easily and when i'm really tired of carrying him (He is getting heavy each day) or feeling the anger, I will pass him to the maid to help me make him sleep which by right I should play with him to help with his developments.

Everyday I just want to stop BF because expressing milk out, washing the bottles and planning the next few feeds already take me one hour each session.

But I feel that I should not be working, expressing milk may take one hour but its for Jack's health but working takes up more time, no benefit to Jack or me, only make me and simon more tired.

Worst is I'm being taken for granted.

What can i do?, if i don't do work, everyday more and more files, more and more demands, yet when i do work, i feel the anger, feel the depression.

Anyway another bad news is my project results will be out in two weeks time. I really hope i can pass, at least by passing this project, i'm already a graduate with a degree, of course my aim is still CPA.

And when can we really bring Jack out? his head is still not stable and its difficult for me to carry him already.

kiasu

2009-07-16T12:19:00.002+08:00

In the processing of settling Jack's Life insurance and education policies.

Call me Kiasu

haha

actually one day i suddenly thought of all these stuffs(maybe i'm reminded of those "scolding" and "accusing me of marrying simon for money" thoughts that lead to thoughts of "what is i jumped down the building" that lead to "what will happen to simon and Jack if i die" thoughts that lead to buying insurance and quickly settling Jack's stuff

yea post natal depression i know.

Well cause of it? no need me to say

It may be mild now but who knows it will get serious to the point of mental breakdown, nobody knows esp when Jack's cranky, screamsssss, criesssss and worst thing is when simon is not in

tears just roll out

bah bah bah

so you want to stay big house, work for "own family"?

I never wanted to stay a big house,
I never wanted to work for them,
I never knew Simon's parents are rich (mind you is simon's parents not him) when i met him and like him
AND I NEVER WANTED THEIR MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its due RESPECT that i worked for them when they asked me to.

anyway back to Jack's stuff

once Jack's insurances are done, i can rest my mind and prepare to leave this world. Even Simon's reply is the same when i told him about the insurance details.

I even open a bank account for Jack but still pending for reply so all his Ang bao money can be deposit inside. We make it a point that what is his is his, just like all the money he received during his full month.

Hmm actually i did not do my financial planning when i bought the insurances, now come to think of it, I don't think i will have enough money every month to pay for so many things. I think have to tap into Simon's funds as much as i don't want to.

I think its time to leave for a better pay and job

Happy Birthday Papa

2009-07-09T17:22:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was Simon's Birthday but we could not celebrate like every year because he cannot take leave, we cannot just leave the baby and go for a nice date

Hopefully next year our birthdays will be better

Went for my check up yesterday too and everything is fine so the next appt is next year.

sick / fever / flu ?

2009-07-09T17:17:00.002+08:00

why am i always down with fever, flu, achy body, running nose, cough especially these two weeks?

Is it because of the sleepless nights?

Is it because of the diet?

Is it because since the maid can help me take care, i totally let myself get sick?

Is it because of doing office work EVERYDAY??

Is it because of the stress of wanting to provide the best for Jack - Breast milk, his developments, his well being?

"Human Milk"

2009-07-03T10:02:00.003+08:00

My breastfeeding journey till date

The 1st month was lots of formula milk.

Pressure from her saying how she did not give both of them formula at all last time and keep saying I do not have milk when the supply will only come in at day 5. This made me very stress.

Once the supply is in, we still resort to formula cos Jack cannot latch on properly or rather he is a very fast drinker and the flow is very slow so i have to express out. Expressing out before every feed is very tiring especially in the night when i cannot wake up before his timing for milk and therefore we still resort to formula in the night and during the day when there is no standby EBM for him.

However due to replacement of formula milk, I express out when i feel very full and keep it in the freezer. Not much though looking at it now.

Ending of the 1st month, I got hold of the routine and try to express every 3 hrs and the supply was good, manage to feed Jack with EBM in the day, hoping to do for night feeds too but when he screams, warming up the milk takes longer time and making the formula milk is faster.

Manage to give EBM for both day and night for 2 days and there goes my supplies in the fridge for the next day, leaving one or none for the next day.

2nd month

Since the fridge does not have much supply to buffer for the next day, i plan everyday's feeds the day before and for these few days, I manage to supply total human milk.

However due to stress from work and her scolding, my supply drop drastically. Pumping every 4 hrs now can only meet Jack's current feed at 140ml but his timing is 3hrs interval and I decide to use the ones in the freezer since its almost a month and its expiring soon, to feed him when i cannot express out in time.

Tried to express at 3 hrs interval but the outcome is terrible, not even half of Jack's feed and being tired from everyday's feeding plan plus having to wake up to express out before his feeds (sometimes his timing is earlier and I have to use the backups and especially yesterday we touch the forumla again) and waking up 4 or 5 times in the night to feed him and to express out is really draining me especially i don't get any rest in the day.

My painful decision

Initially I thought breast feeding was easy, like a second nature so i did not prepare anything for it, no nursing clothes, no nursing bra, no nursing shawl, no accessories, no pump, nothing!, I don't even have nursing pad

This is how unprepared I am, I did not even attend any talks or seminar on it and I actually plan to BF 6 months to about a year. what a joke

However the experience I went through was really a tough one, these money are really meant to be spent for successful BF.

Lucky Simon understands my pain and console me saying giving formula is fine and this constant support made me feel better, at the same time i still tried for total human milk.

Unexpectally my supply decrease these few days so i decided that once the supply in the freezer finishes, I will still try for partial EBM and formula, hopefully can last till his 8th month or even longer till the intake for milk is very minimal then i stop.

But if cannot then I will stop totally

damn

2009-07-02T11:36:00.002+08:00

i put on 3kgs!

omg!!!!!

must be the snacking on chocolates, bread, milo, biscuits, cakes, fried stuff

all the high carbo and fat contents

no wonder my flabby stomach is getting bigger and wider

better stop and control myself

having flu and sore throat now

2nd Dose of Hep B

2009-06-30T17:35:00.002+08:00

Went for the 2nd dose of Hep B today.

The needle is so thick and when the nurse poke into jack's legs, even simon and i feel the pain.

Jack cried but once the injection is done, he went back to sleep again.

A brave and strong boy.

Of course he's been cranky the whole day and even his feeding time went haywire again. He either sleeps till there is no end and of course i'm afraid he might dehydrate, i woke him up for milk but after that i also suffer because he refuse to sleep till now which is about half an hour more based on a 3 hour interval to his next feeding.

I did not get to rest the whole day either.

My BM supply is also decreasing

Anyway Jack weight is 4.6Kg and his height is 53cm

Sick

2009-06-29T08:49:00.004+08:00

After the effort of trying to be strong and healthy during the 10 months pregnancy ( Morning sickness not included)

After going through extensive studying for my exams, the stress from studies and work

After going through the bad news of failing one subject

After going through the horrible project and the traveling to and fro from classes,

After going through the everyday ups and downs at work

After going through the scare of the pregnancy complications

After going through unhappiness in the family

After going through unbearable pain during labour

After going through sleepless nights for one month

After going through the crankiness of Jack, crying with him, don't know what he wants

After going through misunderstandings that caused everyone in this house to hate me

After going through a very tired Saturday

and finally the last blow that made me fall into even more serious depression

I broke down and allow myself to have fever and flu

1 month

2009-06-28T18:49:00.002+08:00

Happy 1 month old!

But a bad start to Jack's childhood

Yesterday's celebration was a screwed up, like i say so, never to hold an event in this house.

So this event lead to me being accused of don't respect them, dig out old stuff since i met Simon, saying stuff that i married Simon for their money, stuff that do not exist, the whole scolding lasted i think 2 hrs, to end off with we are asked to leave. We did not managed to bring Jack to church today.

I seriously don't know what have i done? I admit I may have screwed up some parts but this minor thing lead to so many things from 7 years ago till now, its really ridiculous. I'm not capable as other people, I'm stupid, I'm not your ideal DIL.

All I can say that I tried my best to please you, to give and take and to communicate with you all these years and through these seven years, you still think I'm this kind of person as you describe today.

I can say thank god you have a filial and its your ideal DIL, however its not me.

4 weeks

2009-06-25T08:12:00.000+08:00

Jack is 4 weeks old!

But I'm getting more and more tired each day, i cannot wake up to my alarms and Jack's cries in the middle of the night and when i jump up from my sleep, he is already screaming.

OMG!

and the issue of getting a maid to help? is not for me, anyway who ask me to be so poor, cannot afford to pay.

just realise everytime i blog a post, it will take few hours.

Looking forward to this weekend but don't think i can get my rest this sunday again cos of another pile of work just throw at my face again.

I'm quite sick of it already

Like i say, lucky got simon around, otherwise I would have went crazy.

Countdown: 3 days

I feel so blessed

2009-06-23T19:48:00.002+08:00

Thank you all who took the effort to buy the things, prepare the food and deliver the food to me.

What am i talking about?

Last week one of church friend came to visit me and knew that I'm taking care of Jack myself, no confinement lady means no proper confinement food and still need to do office work without any rest.

So today i received a call telling me that they will be sending confinement food from today till sunday, though confinement period is ending soon but the thoughts that counts.

I feel so blessed with wonderful people around me.

Going to prepare Ang baos to give them this sunday.

So I just finished the wonderfully prepared dinner and hope I don't put on any Kgs because I'm really full.

Thank you so much =)

Full month celebration planning is almost done.

Gotten the vouchers
Ordered the Buffet
Contacted everyone - Estimated no. of people is 100+ and my MIL still wants to invite every employees of the company but simon and I decide to just give vouchers to them.

Now left the eggs, Ang ku kuehs and other food - Going to buy 200+ eggs and dye them red this friday. As for the rest, going out this saturday morning to get them.

Hopefully everything goes well but I forsee unhappiness again. Well I don't bother too much and hope Jack will be good on that day.

Almost

2009-06-23T07:56:00.002+08:00

Almost the end of my confinement, almost the end of my massage, almost the end of being dirty, hot and itchy...

and finally i can drink cold drinks, take as many baths as i like (as long Jack is good by eating and sleeping properly then i have the extra time), eat anything i like and most important go out with Simon properly or trips with Jack to supermarket.

But even after 1 month, sleepless nights are still here to stay for quite a while maybe till beg of next year? I still have to plan things based on Jack's timing, and my pumping sessions(although i said i want to stop but every time i just pump when its time and this adds to my lost of time to rest or sleep)

so how is Jack?

Getting fatter day by day, getting crankier and refuse to sleep longer. sometimes i just don't know what to do because I want him to established a fixed pattern for sleeping, feeding and playing time. However every day's timing always change.

Sometimes I 'm also quite irritated by how others interpret Jack's crying and actions. Last week was " quick! give water" because Jack was awake before his feeding or sometimes after his feed, I carried him to his grandparents' room and they talk to him till he is hungry and its like way before his next feeding. There goes the change in timing again and it makes me very difficult to handle him in the night.

This week is " Quick! give him milk" How can a baby take at least 140ml of milk every hour??!!?? That is why he cannot sleep and they just throw back to me. Thats when i faced a cranky Jack because his stomach is so uncomfortable but babies don't know and just show the sucking reflexes. He puked and sometimes got hungry again.

But I'm very lucky Simon is with me, most of the time when i really don't know what to do, he just take over and put Jack to sleep or feed him. Sometimes when he is busy, I take over the job.

And the question of "are we going to have another one?" Well we shall see but most likely not.

Have alot of questions in mind but don't know who to approach because I know every baby is different.

Suddenly mind blank, anyway I will survived with Simon around to help of course.

Really hope Jack can get his timing on a more regular basis and hopefully in no time he can sleep throughout the night. For now I can say I take one day at a time and look forward to the weekends everyday where there is people who can help me take care of Jack although sometimes I don't agree with their way of handling but to think of it, we all grew up this way.

Countdown: 5 days

Hospital Bill

2009-06-19T15:06:00.002+08:00

My mum called and inform me that my hospital bill has arrived.

Surprisingly they will be refunding me $90+

But if i did not take that epidural and if i have dilated faster so Jack can come out earlier like 12+ then i would not have extended my stay for that half a day to wait for him plus the exceeded hours in the labour ward....

hmm i think i can get back close to or slightly more than $1k?

anyway its still good news that i can get back some money, all in all i fork out less than 2.5k for the checkups, delivery and hospital stay.

Made the right choice to switch to KK otherwise I have to fork out another 2K? for delivering and staying in Thomson. Going back there for Jack's injections, checkups and stuff would be more expensive too than going to polyclinic.

8kg more to go, hopefully by the end of the massage package, I'm able to fit into my tight jeans.

Next month I should be able to do my auto trimax again and then headache on how to make my horrible stretch marks go away (Result of laziness).

Countdown: 9 days

3 weeks old

2009-06-18T17:18:00.002+08:00

Jack is 3 weeks old

and he getting chubbier which is good and bad, good at least he is growing although all thanks to the formula rather than the breast milk. Bad is we don't want him to be so fat.

Its so hard to control, the way he drinks is like me, bottomless pit. Everyone knows how i drink...haha sometimes if i'm so thirsty i can drink one whole 1.5l water down at once or i can order 3 cans of drinks and still want more. But Jack is still so small, his stomach can only take that much and he will always puke.

Anyway because i know the pattern he drinks milk, i always teach the person who will be feeding him first before i can rest my mind.

Simon is getting the hang of taking care of him, carrying him and bathing him without me caring already. Thats when i can get my 3 hrs of sleep in the evening and be prepared for the night feeds.

All in all, he is growing well. yea

i started my massage today and i signed up for a 7days package except she won't be coming this weekends. My stomach have to be binded till she comes the next day and its quite painful but the more painful, the more effective? When it ends, its just nice the 27th June morning when i can finally have my long waited bath.

Counting Down: 10 days to Jack's one month old

Happy Birthday

2009-06-15T09:18:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday to me..

haha

Jack cannot talk yet so i say this to myself on behalf of him... haha hopefully next year he can wish me happy birthday.

Good news is i lost 10kg of the pregnancy weight that I put on for the past 40weeks (which includes Jack's weight)

Now 9kg more to go before simon can stop saying i'm fat and smelly =(

okok i know i should not look at the weighing scale, I would say let me fit into my jeans nicely with no water retention, bloatedness? and flabby arms, thighs, stomach and hips.

Also thank you auntie carol, celest and tiffany for the birthday cake.

Today my parents also buying cake and coming to see me. I'm so happy

Bad news is Jack's arms have red spots, i hope its just rashes and not dengue *choy Choy*

Poor Boy

2009-06-14T13:52:00.003+08:00

Brought Jack for Jaundice check once again and this time without Simon accompanying me.

With a big bag of Jack's Milk powder, water, hankie, wipes, diapers, changing mat, , documents and my stuff on one side of my shoulder and my other arm carrying Jack, I went to do the administration, blood test, see doc, payment and even went to AXS to pay my mum's bill before simon came to fetch me.

I'm so proud of myself but after observing Jack for the past 2 weeks, he likes to be carried rather than be put down to sleep so i guess i can consider buying the sling.

Anyway Jack's Jaundice has gone down and he no need to go for check up for it already. YEA! Still need to sunbathe him for a while cos we are supplying him with breast milk still.

After which we went Sim Lim Tower and lucky I brought milk powder out to feed him.

Anyway that was a mini adventure for us, trying out how is it to bring Jack out, i would say its ok, manageable just that the longer we bring him out, the longer i suffered from engorgement.

Well I'm still trying to adapt to this sleepless life and i think i have to postpone my studies again.

After some discussion, we decide to go ahead with the full month celebration thing again, not very big, just friends coming over, with a mini buffet and will be sending cakes to my mum's side as requested.

I'm starting to count down to end of confinement already, I need a nice long hot bath, I need to scrub all the dirt from me, I need to wash my hair till they smell nice, I need to feel clean and fresh.

After which it another month of sleepless nights again but at least I can bathe, thats the most important and I can go out to stock up on Jack's stuff, do Bank stuff, etc.

Ok better go, thinking of sneeking out with simon and throw Jack to my MIL to handle. We shall see.

updates on Jack

2009-06-11T21:36:00.002+08:00

minor updates on Jack

I think he is experiencing a growth spurt but i'm not sure, sometimes he drink 80ml BM and he can sleep for 4hrs straight and he can also drink 150ml formula and be hungry again the next 1.5hrs.

I really can't understand what he wants anymore.

Sometimes he is so cranky in the morning that i spent the whole morning and early afternoon trying to put him to sleep after milk, after diaper changing but no use and this only delays my breakfast, lunch and pumping session that i worried supply will decrease and he cannot get what i want him to have.

I have reach the point of not sleeping already, and am really exhausted, frustrated and just need someone to teach me to handle him properly.

Talk to her about engaging CL, but the reply is "negative" cos she did not directly say no but go one big round and say no. Well of course i'm not happy, who would? Who is the one taking care the baby the whole day and night, faced his crankiness?

At least simon understands my pain and try to help whenever he can.

He even managed to bathe and carry Jack properly already but this does not mean i can rest properly.

What i need is people to understand the rough i'm facing now, if she would have said yes, in the end i may not even engaged, what i need is support, encouragements and understanding from people.

At least experienced friends can provide advise but they too have their family and cannot entertain my calls and smses the whole day. I have my parents support though they are far away but at least they try to provide some encouraging comments and advises on the difficulties i faced and not just simply comment " he is so easy to take care, just drink milk, poo, pee and sleep" It makes me wonder when she told other people she took care of both simon and his brother alone is true or not or there is help?

anyway i'm stress and unhappy, well i have already overcome the crying with the baby stage but everyday its a new challenge for me, i have to always guess what he wants, whether his demands are normal and he is not sick.

Ok unhappiness aside,

I wonder Jack has asthma?, the symptoms he is experiencing just makes me worried or he just drinks too fast?

soon to be 2 weeks

2009-06-10T08:55:00.002+08:00

Jack is soon to be 2 weeks old

Previously updated on my first week confinement but it disappeared

anyway to summarise everything

1st week was a hell for me, no milk supply for first few days and have to resort to formula, later then we know actually baby can survived cos they have stored water in their body till the milk supply comes in.

Anyway due to many visitors, we still resort to formula cos i either cannot pump out the milk on time or feed the baby directly.

The night after discharging from hospital, I am already experiencing post natal depression.

Occasionally my parents came over for a while and this made me felt better but i broke down again when Jack has to admit for photo therapy due to high jaundice.

We actually engaged a confinement lady last min but also last min my MIL decided not to engaged. I wasted $150 to compensate the CL for her bus ticket back cos she canceled it when we engaged her and to get a new ticket back and have to be stranded in Singapore with no place to stay for one or two days.

I thought i can rest and learn from her how to take care of baby properly and gear up for the 2nd month but everything went back to status quo.

A visit to polyclinic every 2 days really pains me when Jack has to be poked by needles for blood test.

2nd week of confinement, my milk supply is dropping cos of not enough sleep, tired from guessing what the baby wants and doing work in the afternoon.

Although I want to supply breast milk totally but simon says sometimes its not possible especially supply cannot meet demand and Jack's sleeping and hungry timings are irregular.

Jack's drinking pattern from the bottle is so fast that he chocks, cough, vomit, hiccups and have difficulty breathing all the time. I have to burp him a few times before i can rest my mind that he should be alright.

Wanted to engaged for massage but with me taking care of Jack alone, it very difficult for me to gauge my timing. Quite a headache.

Simon came back specially yesterday afternoon to bathe Jack and Jack actually enjoys it. Unlike when i ask the maid to help me.

Jack also perspire a lot and is having heat rash now.

I really hope the whether will turn for the better and the end of my confinement so i can have a proper bath, maybe this will help me in my depression and being clean and fresh may also help me to take care of Jack properly.

Birth Story

2009-06-05T12:02:00.001+08:00

On the 28th May 09 4am + or 3am+, I felt sharp pain or rather contraction pain which was very strong. As a first time, my gynea said that I cannot sleep through the pain but I can endure so i thought its those false pain again.

6.30am decide to go toilet and I saw a pool of blood stain. It does not look like what they describe as bloody show so i decide to just tell simon to send me to hospital.

Went straight to the delivery ward to admit and they just strap me and monitor baby's heartbeat for about half hour before my gynea came to check and I am already 3cm dilated, she decide to break my water bag and told me to have breakfast first.

Went down to meet simon, have a quick breakfast and go back to the labour ward.

10+am, after being strap again and put on drip, Gynea came to break my water bag and the marathon starts. I started smsing my father who was on the way back from china and my mum that i will deliver that day. Having nothing to do, I told simon to go back first to settle the office stuff.

After that everytime the nurse comes in, she asked whether I felt pain, when i say no, she increase the drip dosage.

12pm, contraction is 2 mins apart and I endured, hoping not to take epidural. 2pm I still can take the pain hoping I'm already like 6 cm dilated, considering the norm of 1hr, 1cm. But i still stay at 3cm. Simon also came back that time. I asked for the Gas but only endure for 2hrs.

4pm I decide to make the painful decision of parting about $700 or $800, not sure of the charges because I have not received the bill yet. I guess when in intense pain, nothing help to stop me from taking the pain reliever. I was quite sad though. I still tell simon from months ago, tell me about the cost of epidural to stop me from taking it or show me the needle that will be inserted into me.

My gynea also came in that time and was shocked that I endure so long given the instruction to increase the drip dosage. Anyway after the epidural, both simon and I fell asleep till about 6pm when the epidural is wearing off. I did not want an increase of dosage for the epidural but i think they misinterpret my calling and there goes another cost of don't know how much.

But when check for dilation, I was actually full dilated and the nurse guide me to push cos I cannot feel any contraction already.

Simon seem clueless but after observing, he got hold of the contraction timing based on the graph and told me to push when the nurse was busy with all the equipments for the arrival of the baby.

1857Hrs, Jack was born with my gynea coming in at 1850Hrs, just in time to deliver baby.

After all the checks and stuff, Simon received a call from a caleb and he went down. Wanted him to accompany me yet better not let caleb wait but after I was pushed to the ward, they cannot come up already.

Our Gift is here

2009-05-30T20:24:00.002+08:00

Our gift from God has finally arrived

Jack arrived at 28th May 2009

On chinese dumpling day

Will tell about my birth story when i recover

learning

2009-05-28T00:50:00.002+08:00

after reading, i actually realise that some baby stuff like the musical mobiles helps to stimulates baby's senses and their learning power.

Wanted to get one but simon say no need

hmm should i get?

Should I get those educational toys and start teaching soon?

Should I get those classic children musics and story telling CDs?

I sound very kiasu but have to stay at home one two months, have to work and to study, where do i have the time to buy these stuff? and when i actually have the time already, Jack could be few months old and I would have missed the crucial time for teaching when the child brain is the most absorptive?

Putting a story telling CD while Jack is sleeping and I can either do my work or study is also a form of teaching him.

Missing the time of phonics teaching or "Tai Jiao" due to my project, heavy work load and some pregnancy problem already kind of putting him at a disadvantage in learning.

should i get?

should i?

but its so expensive

AH~~~

look like?

2009-05-27T23:31:00.002+08:00

I wonder Jack will look like who?

I hope he looks like simon in general with dimples like mine

I hope he does not have flat feet but have a nice arch otherwise running will be a difficulty.

I hope he is tall when he grows up.

Most importantly his character and values.

Though I may not seen much or experience worst cases but the situations i seen and/or experiences, I will never allow history to repeat itself.

The most common is MIL and DIL problem which happens almost in all household, well i cannot say i won't have this kind of problem next time but it takes two hands to clap. Both sides must have the sincere effort to make the relationship better. Most of the time, both must give and take. I understand the want of setting up a family in a dream home, of course it will be a bonus if next time my son and DIL will stay with me but i won't force. Whats the point of boosting to other people that your children are staying with you but you are unhappy everday? Simon and I already have this agreement to take the american culture of "chasing" our kid out once he is 18 yrs or 21 yrs old. Well not literally chase him out but maybe assessing in terms of finance and ability? we shall see then.

Next problem would be family bond and relatives bond. I utterly disappointed in this because both my side and simon side are the same cases. relatives hate each other though they still appear for most occasions. Looking down on each other. Don't talk to each other. Well i would say my side is slightly better because there are still a few close ones and more filial to my grandparents. Well imagine all 4 sons don't even bother about your well being, not at all but leaving the only daughter to take care of you and sometimes the excuse given was busy, ending up simon and me, being the grandson and granddaughter-in-law attending to her needs, sending her to doctor, buying food and sending all the way to choa chu kang. How sad when sometimes don't even see your sons and their family for more than 10 times in a year yet they stay just one or two blocks away. Thats why last time i would say my younger cousins if they are rude to my grandparents, but now i see no point because i'm not their parents and ended up being said as busybody or being scolded.

Well i expect the minimum respect and filial from my kids to everyone, parents, grandparents, great grandparents, relatives and anyone who is elder. Though i may not like this person or he or she may not like me, that does not concern my kids and i cannot denied my kids of talking to them, knowing who they are, showing the respect. I call this as basic courtesy. Imagine you as grandparent or great grandparents or even parents being denied to get close to your kids, grandchildren or great grandchildren, how would you feel? This will also affect the upbringing and values of the kid and history will repeat itself. This is what i will teach my children when come to family and relatives.

I'm not here to tell all how to teach your kids in future, in fact i don't even bother but deciding to pen down my thoughts is due to the fact my child is coming out soon and also soon he will start learning and how the environment will affect his upbringing.

Another reason would be thoughts about my child's future has been haunting me these few days, finances, educations, upbringing and even where will he sleeps once he is older, so many to think and plan.

Last reason would be what simon and I have gone through the past 8 years. What we have seen and been through for both side families. sad is the word i can think of now.

cravings again?

2009-05-26T15:45:00.002+08:00

i think i need my fudge cakes, muffins, donuts, chocolates and ice creams to cure my sadness for tonight.

not just a baby blog anymore

2009-05-26T15:07:00.002+08:00

i think this blog is becoming my personal life blog again, not just a baby blog anymore.

Just can't help not pening my thoughts down, be it sadness, unhappiness, happiness, stress, whatever feeling i'm experiencing.

well i should learn from one of my friend, writing a blog is for my kids to see next time whether they want or not, its up to them, well i don't think i have that brain power to tell them the up and downs of my life all at one go. who knows maybe i will die before i can see them grow up properly and tell them my story.

Previously my blog was more of a complain or a venting anger blog, i think this blog will indicate a fresh start. I'm more of a sensitive and pessimistic person so mostly will be unhappy posts, hopefully with the new addition to this family of 2, my life will change for the better.

hopefully.

anyway why a sudden post like this? like i say i need an avenue to pen down my thoughts.

so now i'm feeling angry and unhappy due to increasing work load. Worst is i have not closed the FY end accounts. I still have to do GST reporting. End of the month soon means salary time and with more than 200 employees, writing cheques is a killer every month end...etc... tell me how not to be angry esp when my due date is near.

every ladies get to rest during maternity leave, i don't! i still have to continue the full work load, take care of the baby without anyone's help and i have to prepare for my exams at the end of the year.

I forsee the coming one year will be tough.

Well i appreciate encouragements once in a while but if you want me to go into depression, i can say thank you i no need your help because i'm already in depression.

me time?

2009-05-25T11:52:00.003+08:00

I have the urge to

go bowling

go for holiday

go shopping all alone

spending the "me" time or spending time with simon or spending time with my parents where we just bowl our saturdays away

can it be done?

can i meet my parents as often as last time now?

sad

2009-05-25T11:42:00.002+08:00

i'm so sad

the whole family is going for a wedding dinner soon without me

it happens so near my due date that either i will be home alone or in the hospital alone without simon.

Either ways i'm so sad and worst is simon has to go because its sort of a relative.

------

Was talking to simon yesterday whether the next baby will be a girl?

Given his side, cousins of his all give birth to boys more than girl so we were thinking of adopting a baby girl next.

No more giving birth? What will our parents say?

random

i think i'm going into depression again

wondering

2009-05-25T10:33:00.002+08:00

when will Jack be coming out?

everday a few friends will asked me, so when its Jack coming out?

Some would comment: I can't wait to meet Jack face to face, ask him to come out now.. haha i wish i can

or James Kor Kor ( i think uncle lor...haha) is back, can ask him to come out already.

I'm touched everyone is concerned about hmm... the baby or me? haha anyway everyone is waiting for the news from me.

Maybe he is waiting for my father to come back.

But yesterday sudden thought hit me: Will i end up c-section? after reading some birth stories.

Well i can only tell myself to take one day at a time, just be happy at least i still can wake up everyday. If situations or results are meant to be this or that way, I just have to take it. Sometimes its easy said than done though.

outcast

2009-05-22T20:26:00.003+08:00

deleted the recent post

well i can only say let time do the healing, if time cannot do the healing, its a pity and so be it.

time to time i can only ask myself this question: What is family?

booked and paid

2009-05-21T16:05:00.003+08:00

finally settle the KKH bed booking

Stupid counter lady who gave me the wrong package previously lucky my doctor asked whether i booked the package if not i won't know i was given the wrong package.

Purposely went down yesterday to settle it otherwise when i will deliver, not only my doc won't deliver for me, i won't even have a bed.

changed the package and pay on the spot to prevent any admission mistakes, even confirm with the staff whether i have a bed when i deliver. This is why i prefer more experience staff to "entertain" me rather than some other staff who just want to smoke their way.

Changing the package sort of upgraded myself to the private suite clinic but i can only see my doc in the evening because she has to be in the Clinic D in the day? and in the private suite in the evening.

Life of a doctor is really tough

appointment also changed but hopefully i can deliver even before the next check up.

There goes my 1.6K =( think will take me 3 to 4 months before i can save that amount again.

Almost shocked Simon when he called to ask where am i cos i was not online and i told him i'm in KK.

1st checkup after reaching full term

2009-05-19T16:12:00.002+08:00

went for checkup and scan

met caleb's mum there, just glad she is going for her last chemo, rest for few months before she goes back to work. A very strong and cheerful lady, if i have cancer, i think i will just ask simon to kill me than to go through the torture.

Jack is 2.9kg, a big baby but i'm still putting on weight. =( seems like comments on losing weight at the final stage does not apply to me. Water level seems to increase alot so everything is good and the doctor prefers to wait for natural until the due date then induce if not out yet.

Now we are fretting over when is he arriving. From worrying that he might be a premature baby and must be put into NICU to him not putting enough weight to whether he can come out now.

There is some booking of the package and room problem. Apprently my doctor was not informed of what package i chose because if i have chosen the package which indicate her to be the only doctor delivering for me rather than any doctor on duty, i should be seeing her in another clnic rather than current clnic. I think i better call KKH and asked what the hell are they doing.

Worries after worries, problems after problems

and i'm feeling soft-hearted again after being hurt so badly. Good or bad?, simon comments are why you bother so much? Just getting yourself into trouble, getting sad all over again and the cycle goes on.

Better stop otherwise this blog will become another unhappy blog again.

virus

2009-05-19T10:04:00.002+08:00

recently my friends been telling me that my comp has virus because they received those virus msg from me in msn, even simon receives it.

The funny thing is I'm not login and my comp is not on.

I realised its my old laptop which i passed to my parents to use which somehow infested with virus and my msn is hidden in the background operations and activates when the comp is on.

No wonder sometimes i was signed out from my comp for no reason

time to reformat that laptop

not out yet?

2009-05-18T10:48:00.002+08:00

yesterday at church, everyone is asking me is it time? one more week?

haha i answered that i have just reached full term. They were like so long still not out?

I wished but this baby here just don't want to come out. I even thought it might come out today to have the same birthday as his great greandmother but nope, not even a sign or the feeling of pain.

But i just hope he will come out these few days before my father goes off to china for business. I need my parents support too.

Yesterday night daddy kissed mummy's tummy but what he gets from Jack is a kick in his face. Its such a funny sight.

deleted blog

2009-05-17T23:05:00.002+08:00

wanted to change the skin of the blog but thanks to the constant pop ups, my complain blog was deleted accidentally. damn. first was settings went haywire now deleted.

i think this is god's words to me: "to move on"

well today at church, i just felt very emotional, jittery in the morning but very calm and at peace after church.

Thoughts of sadness just flood my mind from when i'm young to something that hit me hard, telling me to wake up (my family will know how naughty i was when i'm small), to being made use by sch frens to conflicts in poly days to depression during my time in simon's parents' company to many more things.

Well after church service, i actually forgotten most of the details and looking beside me is simon, my pillar of strength during my dark days, my support even till now. I'm really lucky. Though i will still be easily affected by people's bad remarks, at the end of the day, simon is always here to comfort me and pull me out of the sadness quickly.

well a bit random but i think its the pregnancy hormones again. I just hope i won't get pre and post natal depression.

From now on, I will try to tell myself to be happy, for my family's sake.

sarong bed and full month celebration

2009-05-17T22:35:00.004+08:00

sudden thought came to me this morning is whether to get a new sarong bed.

Esp the spring that we got from simon's friend has been in his store since 12 years ago. I'm doubting its durability and even if we put mattress for support, I'm sure nobody wants to see a baby fall?

I think we will use the cot first before we make any further decisions.

The final decision for the full month celebration is not to have any for both my side and simon's side. We will only be giving cakes to tell our relatives that we finally have a kid...haha

The question is whether the cake shop help us do deliveries? If not simon and i have to spend a day sending all the cakes all over Singapore, North, East and West area.

Also due to the flu outbreak recently, visiting me in the hospital might be troublesome because of the temperature taking, so i actually advise all not to come and visit me esp if KK is out of the way for you.

Also if you are considering gift for the little one, please give a small token in ang bao form. Though there are still many things we did not buy and may not buy depending on the situation after birth, I don't want to waste your money where we might not use the gifts that you bought because either there is too many or the usage of the gift is so minimal that the money spent is not worth. Also please don't give me chicken essence or bird nest type of hampers. I'm one kind who don't eat these stuffs and it might just go "missing"

So monetary form for the little one's education and well being is more worth while.

Well this were my experiences after attending a few full month celebrations.

New cot?

2009-05-17T22:24:00.002+08:00

Simon's brother won 4d so they bought a new cot with all the bedding and stuff for us.

Actually its not much smaller than our current one but since its a gift from them, better to put in good use.

Did some shifting of the furniture in our room and it looks weird but it still cannot fit the cot in a nice way unless we put the cot beside our bed, take away the tv cabinet and mount the tv on the wall.

The problem is when people come into our room, it seems like the cot will be blocking the way.

I think the only way now is to insert wheels for the cot then we just move it here and there.

HOT!!!

2009-05-15T11:15:00.001+08:00

Is it me or the weather is so hot till I'm still feeling the heat even I on the air con full blast

full term

2009-05-15T11:07:00.002+08:00

finally full term.

2 weeks + before i request for an induction

everyday i'm just hoping the signs of labour will start

just read some articles in the breastfeeding website and realise even enema and doctor breaks the water bag can cause distress to the baby and if unlucky may end up c-section.

Anyway i try not to force it until the last day, labour that starts naturally are always less painful and faster.

Now what i can do is to eat hot and sour stuffs and walk

Going for a 5.6km walk tomorrow morning

follow-up visit

2009-05-13T09:55:00.002+08:00

Went to KKH for the follow-up visit yesterday

Hmm faster than i expected, though still take about 1 hr including waiting time but all she does is to listen to the baby's heartbeat.

Well the baby's heartbeat is good and strong and she commented that my stretch marks are very serious. Yes but what can i do? so sad to see the stretch marks everyday thats why i hope the baby will come out soon.

Anyway i think the baby's head is engaged already cos she touch and feel my tummy for the baby's position and say that anytime already.

Told me to go straight to labour ward if any labour signs starts, ie, water bag burst, blood discharge and persistant contractions.

Wanted to ask her about the induction but she prefers natural delivery unless it reachs the due date then induce.

so wait for natural delivery then.

Next visit i have to go for scan again to check for the baby's weight and everything, well i hope i no need to go for the scan and check up next week cos i hope the baby will be out this week. haha

Going for a 5.2km walk on saturday if simon wants to go cyclying.

everything also want to meddle

2009-05-12T09:50:00.002+08:00

space for the cot problem again

Never-ending nonsense

Finally

2009-05-11T11:10:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is my next gynea visit

Hope everything is fine

Hope i'm dilated so Jack can come out earlier like this friday

Its been 4weeks plus working from home. So far I'm starting to enjoy myself except for every monring headaches, pukish feeling and staring at 4 walls all by myself.

But when work problem arises in the office or rather the boss keep irritating simon every minute, he comes and irritate me every minute too. Thats the time when its no difference from being at home or at work.

Conclusion is I still have to work during my maternity leave for the same pay when I can just concentrate on taking care of the baby for the same pay. So when you are ill-treated at work or home, think of my situation, I'm ill-treated both ways.

Mother's day

2009-05-11T10:49:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was mothers' day

Happy Mothers' day to all mothers

haha yesterday during church service, the children were giving out presents and i received one too. so paiseh.

Anyway treated my parents and grandparents to "No signboard" restuarant at esplanade on friday and its so expensive but it made them happy and I'm ok with it. After they went to my aunt's place cos my aunties want to treat them to cake and some snacks before my grandparents and my mum go to genting and would not be around on mothers' day.

Simon and I did not go along to let my aunts treat my grandparents and have some fun.

nursery area?

2009-05-11T09:53:00.002+08:00

setup the cot given by my aunt by buying some screws and nuts, saved us the money to buy a multi purpose play pan which cost over hundred.

yesterday my MIL cleared the area of her old stuff so we can turn it into the children area. I'm not very happy with it cos i want the baby to sleep with us in the room and easier for me to handle him in the middle of the night. Simon suggest putting wheels so we can shift the cot around. That I'm fine with it. Well she even cleared all our stuff upstairs and downstairs causing us so much inconvenience. It may be irritating but sometimes just have to give and take.

To think of it she can don't care about anything which will make out planning more difficult.

Except for the matress, everything is done and we are ready, but i'm not prepared to not bathe for one month. OMG!!

Aim: to slim down to 55kg by 10th August 2009 (James's wedding) and to slim down back to my weight of 50kg by Novemeber 2009 (Yan Qing's wedding)

Current weight is 68kg OMG!!!!! total 18kg weight gain, how scary.

mild contractions

2009-05-02T23:23:00.002+08:00

labour day almost became "labour" day for me plus its a friday (remember simon and i predicted the baby will come out on a friday? haha).

why so?

well i'm sure its the sour drink and the coconut drink i drank yesterday that caused me to have contractions. It was really painful but bearable, any position i change, sit, stand, walk also no use, the pain was still there and on off for three times, almost decide to go KKH when it decided to go off.

Went to check and there was no water leak or blood so i confirmed its just false contractions. But after that i started to feel more pains and cramps.

Simon was so worried cos he don't want Jack to come out yet till 37 weeks.

For me, I do hope everything is fine inside if not i prefer him to come out.

I wonder am i dilated already?

Recently i cannot drink water again and anything i drink or eat just make me feel pukish again, it just feels terrible. I can't sleep properly too cos i tend to sleep on my tummy till i woke up in a shock thinking that i lost the baby or something or till simon has to turn me to lying flat on my back before i knew that i was lying on my tummy again. Thats why i feel that the baby come out earlier is better but he will always give me the assurance by kicking hard or moving his feet.

Today simon setup one of the cot and we realise it cannot be put in our room cos its too big, now we are wondering should we get a multi purpose and portable cot but its so expensive.

Anyway we have to stand by to admit to hospital anytime from now.

Its always a headache when we have a funny shape for the room.

30th May 2009

2009-04-30T11:14:00.003+08:00

Its finally 35 weeks. I'm nearing the end and i'm also reaching the safe zone of not having Jack in the NICU, 2 weeks, just 2 weeks.

Well i have decided to induce on 30th May if Jack is still not out by then. Its better to induce around that time based on the counting of my LMP then based on the doctor's counting. I don't want to have a situation like mine where i poo poo in my mum's womb cos i'm way overdue and ended up c-section. Well of course i do hope natural labour starts way before that day.

Asked simon about the full month thing and we decide to just give cakes to his family side, then we have a small gathering at my mum's side. This is the decision for now though.

full month celebration?

2009-04-25T10:50:00.002+08:00

it suddenly struck me whether i should have full month celebration or not.

haha Jack is not even out yet and i'm thinking about all these stuff

if i were to have full month celebration, will it be one each at simon side and my side? (well if we really call all our family to one place, simon place won't have enough space plus we have not include our friends)

or have it at simon's place and call only close relatives from his side and some close friends, as for my mum side, we just hold a dinner for the whole family at jumbo?

decided not giving full month cakes and pastries already

shall ask my mum for her comments.

simon already said he do not want any which i agree with him for his side but...

we shall see

induce?

2009-04-24T10:43:00.002+08:00

been thinking this whole morning whether i should go for induction at 37 weeks if nothing happens from now till 37 weeks

or should i just wait for natural?

what are the consequenses?

can someone please enlighten me?

1st visit at KKH

2009-04-22T10:02:00.002+08:00

went to KKH for the 1st visit and it took me almost 5 hours to complete everything and i only get to see the doc for like 2 mins.

went there for lunch and since i thought it was early, we took a Q number, intending to book the bed but after waiting for one hour, the person just gave an est charges and told us that we cannot book until we attended the 1st visit.

What a waste of time

then we proceed to the clnic D and wait another half an hour, apprently they skip my number until we have to ask them what is going on. shit man so after registering my details, i have to go for a scan which we waited another an hour and we have to walk to another area.

I was actually quite pissed off with all the waiting. so after getting the report, we went back to wait to see the doctor. To her everything is fine. She is actually ok with the water level. I think my previous doctor is just being cautious. The KKH doc did a test and said that its not the water leaking so i think the water bag healed? but to be careful i still have to stay at home. And i put on weight again, i'm so sad but baby is now 2.2kg which is good

The next time i see her will be 3 weeks later, if nothing goes wrong from now to 3 weeks later, baby no need to stay ICU already.

Will be going down this saturday to book the bed though. hopefully no need to wait so long again.

Final decision is KKH, apprently after making payment, the cost sent a shock to simon and me, its so expensive and we just wanted to go back to Thomson but after thinking properly, pros and cons of every aspect, KKH is better though its like people's hospital where you see weird people, wwaiting time is SOOOOOOOOOO Long and my MIL made a big fuss that we should not go back thomson.

well i just hope this baby will come out early once he reach full term because i'm getting all the puking again

headache

2009-04-18T10:52:00.002+08:00

headache strikes again

slept on my tummy again

i'm tired of being pregnant esp yesterday when i have difficulty walking, feeling pukish again cos i ate too full.

4 weeks is really long

I really need to go out today, though will be sitting in the car all the time, but at least its out of the room and house.

I can't imagine those that have to bed rest for 9 months. Its only one week and i'm complaining

Stupid students yesterday just like to block my way and use their bags to hit my tummy. So painful till i thought part of my water bag burst again. Lucky no leakage

Simon thinks the baby will come out on a friday, yesterday sudden thought just came to me that baby will come out on a friday too.

As much as i wish to tahan until full term, i hope the baby's lungs are well developed when he has to come out before the full term

packed

2009-04-17T11:09:00.002+08:00

I have packed all the stuff for the arrival of Jack but still feel that there is alot of things missing but i shall do with the basics and see what we need when he comes.

I have also packed my bag for delivery, actually i only packed my going-home clothes and baby's going home clothes and some toiletries, what else is there to bring? I better charge my phone everyday to stand by and start calling my mum and simon to buy things i need if the hospital don't provide.

Other than that, i'm starting to have more cramps, irregular contractions. I hope the baby don't decide to come out these few days until i meet my new doc and book the bed, otherwise i'm being hang in the middle, though i can still go back to TMC but there will not be any bed for me. =(

No more updates till tuesday.

check up on 16th April 09

2009-04-17T10:05:00.002+08:00

Went for my blood test at 9am and see the dcotor after taking my breakfast

the doctor say i'm not putting enough weight or rather from last week, i lost weight??!!?? huh? i think she is considering how much the baby should grow within the week plus and estimate of how much i should put on and conclude that i lost weight. I remember i actually put on abt 2more kgs from last week, bringing a total to 14kgs already

anyway i'm trying to eat more for this baby but once i deliver, you can see a crazy Joanna jumping all day long to lose the fats.

anyway after taking antibotics for a week, the blood test results came back looking good. The scan shows the water level still lower than expected and i still need to go for scan and take blood test every week.

Feel so bad after she told me what to do and going to do for the nest few weeks then i asked for a transfer. My doc does not do delivery in KKH but she gladly recommend me to her friend in KKH so next appt is on tuesday. Hopefully everything goes well.

My doctor wants me to go on leave till i deliver and i think she wants me to tahan till 37weeks then do an induction.

Shall see what the new doctor say then.

calm down

2009-04-14T10:29:00.002+08:00

my feelings for the water bag leaking somehow have settled down.

Have decided to change to KKH instead so will be telling the doctor on thursday when i see her.

hopefully she does delivery at KKH too, i'm quite comfortable with her.

After speaking to a few friends whose friends or themselves have premature babies, i'm not so worried because premature babies grew up being very healthy and strong too. Its just that as parents we cannot see the child or hold him till he can be discharged.

I still hope i can tahan for another 3 to 4 weeks and hope the Jack will fatten up to about 2.5 to 2.9kg

Been eating alot since thursday, simon also suddenly realise my tummy grew bigger within these few days, which is a good sign. Baby movement very active, leakage is not as bad as last month although i still see water one or two times.

So for now i just have to wait. Can someone help me pack my bag for hospital? i'm so lazy haha

Hmm buttock injection is more painful than on the arm, my 2nd dosage of injection on friday morning was so painful, i hardly can walk after that, so painful and numb. Really thank simon for the support and company when i needed him.

Till next appt with the doctor

bad news

2009-04-09T23:00:00.001+08:00

monitoring in progress.

So how did my check up went? bad

my water bag is leaking, baby is growing slower than expected and is not the expected size he should be at 32weeks

If water continues to leak or i have fever or cramps/contractions or more discharge or baby's movement is less than 10 for two days, it is a bad sign and i have to inform my doctor immediately.

Doctor is predicting the worst that i have to deliver within these two weeks by c-section, a preterm baby and has to be put in the NICU. Hopefully both baby and me can tahan till full term. To prepare for the worst, i was given an injection to hasten the maturity of the baby's lungs. 2nd dosage will be 2am on 10th Apr.

I was given antibotics to prevent infections too and i have to go for full blood test every week and would be seeing the doctor next week.

I was also given hospitalisation leave for 15 days till 23rd Apr.

=(

Estimated cost given by my doctor is 20K to 30K =( but she will refer me to KKH if i want to change due to cost factor.

Almost cry out when i told my mum

what i can do now is to lie on the bed all day long and drink more milk to increase baby's size and weight.

preterm?

2009-04-08T11:48:00.002+08:00

now i really feel that i will have a preterm baby

even simon comment that our baby wants to come out early.

Shall see what the doctor say tmr

so many signs but hoefully everything is fine.

can't stand it

2009-04-06T10:16:00.002+08:00

this pregnancy is taking a toll on me.

When i walk too much, I felt pain. Most of the time i just want to lie on the bed and watch movies and animes.

Jack is so active, he kicks all day long, the only time he sleeps is when i'm going back from work but after dinner, he kicks again. I think whenever he is sleeping, he turns here and there so i can feel either his elbow or legs. Recently he kicks till I feel like puking and there goes my day - feeling sick.

The only consolation I get from his daddy is at least he is alive and kicking hard!

Yesterday he kick and kick and kick and suddenly rest his feet at the side of my tummy. Haha my hands can actually feel his feet, quite an interesting experience.

Anyway I can't wait for my lessons to end this month so i can enjoy the last few weeks with simon for our dinner dates.

chinese names

2009-04-03T10:14:00.001+08:00

In the process of deciding his chinese name, I have one that i really like but i have to choose more to let my grandfather see first then let simon's parents decide =(, hopefully they let me decide

dates

2009-04-03T09:57:00.002+08:00

I can't wait for the baby to come out cos i'm really tired and the effects of the first trimester: morning sickness, sleepless nights, heartburn and indigestions are coming back.

I actually have some dates in mind and hope jack will come out on either one of the dates

1) 10th May 2009 (to mark my first mother day, haha, well not really but thats the earliest i hoped he will come out)

2) 15th May 2009 (thats one month before my birthday, haha actually its easy for visiting and the full month planning, and to be safe, it has already reach the full term stage)

3) 18th May 2009 (Jack's maternal great grandma's birthday, this is more memorable)

4) 20th May 2009 (20052009, nice number and easy to remember, haha)

5) 1st June 2009 (the latest date I want him to come out, based on my LMP, this date is actually one day overdue so I don't really want to take the risk and wait till 4th June, the 40th week which my doc measured and estimated the first time round)

See Jack can read my mind or not..haha.. actually any dates is ok as long as he is healthy.

happy

2009-04-03T09:46:00.002+08:00

yesterday's lesson was excellent. As expected the teacher that took over last week gave the wrong lesson and it was so brief though some information were useful.

anyway yesterday's lesson was a long one, its a revision of lesson one (though i forgot all the stretchings AGAIN) and the crash course of lesson 2 and 3. Main point of the whole lesson is coping with labour and how the baby is being delivered. I'm fine with the labour process but i actually freak out when they show the up close of giving an epidural. The teacher also teach us how to relax and "hynotise" yourself to not feel pain, i'm going to practise on this.

Next lesson will be coping with the baby, bathing, etc... I'm so excited! wanted to ask questions but everyone crowd around her yesterday so i gave up, anyway mine was a sensitive question, shall ask my docotr instead.

partially packed

2009-03-31T11:06:00.002+08:00

i have partially packed my things for the baby stuff.

On a sad note, the stretch marks on my tummy are coming out. I'm so sad, i don't know how to get rid of them despite puting the stretch mark oil. =( *scream for help*

recently i experienced pain on the lower tummy and just feel that i might delivery a preterm baby. A part of me wants him to come out earlier, a part of me hope that he will stay till full term (37 weeks) before he comes out, for health purpose.

pregnancy milk and others

2009-03-27T10:45:00.003+08:00

i decided to try the pregnancy milk this morning after trying one small cup at the pre-natal class, it actually taste not bad. Maybe i will drink it every morning.

and i found some recipes to cook confinement food, shall give it to the maid to see whether she knows how to cook or not then i can save on the confinement food caterer.

Not going to order those full month cakes, maybe just buy ang ku kueh and eggs with red colouring powder to make red eggs can already. budget budget. Not even sure whether to hold the full month celebration, maybe at my mum side, a small gathering but for simon's side (hmm don't really want to experience the pain and scolding again ever since our wedding and simon's bro wedding), shall see how

and from today onwards, i'm not allowed to do anything related to baby stuff, taking things from others, buying things, not even buying my own stuff until qing ming jie is over, how padang can my PIL get, well i just listen but i still need to buy some more things. =(

I think simon's friend forgotten the sarong cot, shall see but its so expensive =(

pre-natal class 2

2009-03-27T10:34:00.002+08:00

went for the pre-natal class 2 and it was a disappointment cos the teacher was not free and someone took over her class.

Watch a video on labour, from natural with no pain reliever to water birth. Well i'm going to insist on natural without epidural or gas (maybe oxygen gas only, if there is) still wondering how to "hypnotise" myself to not have pain reliever, i actually tell simon to remind me to not go for epidural by reminding me the cost or to show me the picture of the needle inserting the back. I'm more scare of needle pain.

Did some exercise and listen to lecture on when are the signs of contractions, i'm expecting more since its only 5 classes but class ended 8.50pm.

bad news

2009-03-24T10:50:00.002+08:00

i suddenly remembered that drinking soya beans is not good for the baby boy so i went online to check.

The results that came back were all shocking

Soy products will actually increase the feminie hormones of the growing baby and in worst case it will cause infertility for baby boys.

I'M SO SAD AND WORRIED!!!!!!!!!! =(

I have been drinking soya bean everyday since the start of the pregnancy, don't know what will happe to Jack. =(

Ppl in the forum only tell you that drinking soya bean will make the baby's skin fair. May or may not be true cos i don't know but i know its harmful now.

can anyone enlighten me?

I emailed to my gynea through her website but no reply, i think its quite hard to explain in words. But its two more weeks before i see her =(

now i must think what can i drink already.

skip my med

2009-03-21T09:17:00.002+08:00

skip my medicines yesterday because i puked again.

I read somewhere that in the last trimester, not only more clumsy, more headaches, aches and pain, fatigue...etc... the morning sickness will actually come back again. Lucky if its once in a while, unlucky, almost everyday.

sometimes given the condition in the office, i really wished my doc can ordered me bed rest from all the stress i'm suffering. choy choy though.

decided to order confinement food but now deciding which to choose. Whether to just get lunch only and save half of it for dinner or to order the whole thing, lunch and dinner including saturday and sunday. I still prefer my grandma's cooking but i can't stay at her place or to go her place during weekends. everyone will kill me including simon..haha

well, after i submitted my project then see how.

1st Childbirth lesson

2009-03-21T09:08:00.002+08:00

My first childbirth lesson on 19th Mar 09.

All we did was exercise, lecture on the foods and myths and a video on breastfeeding twins.

certain stretching i cannot do because i'm already in the 3rd Trimester but its quite amazing to see almost all the husband joined the class. I know simon won't want to go so i don't force him. If i'm in his shoes, i won't want to go too.

anyway its an interesting class and i look forward to more classes, lucky its at AMK yet its actually quite far for me esp when i have to stand all he way from my office to AMK.

childbirth class

2009-03-16T11:14:00.002+08:00

my childbirth class is starting soon, this thursday 19th Mar is the first lesson.

Quite excited about it but simon cannot go with me.

Hmm don't know whether my mum wants to go with me or not

Will update on the first class in due course

80% done

2009-03-14T09:29:00.002+08:00

Bought more stuff from kiddy palace yesterday

I'm already 80% done with the shopping

leaving the sarong bed, some oilment stuff and my things, but will be finalising everything next month

Hope to get more hand-me-downs

7 month checkup

2009-03-14T09:11:00.002+08:00

went to the gynea yesterday for checkup

I realise that the checkups that i went ended really fast, sometimes when i see other patients went in, they took like 1hr plus but i took merely 30mins or less. Maybe in a good way for me or i have not reach the final month where i have to go every week and do all sort of scans and test.

I too lazy to scan the photo and post it, haha anyway it shows the head and the stomach area, Jack has grown big but still average size so now the photo cannot show the whole body. He is sleeping during the scan and i realise he likes to position himself like a boxer, or is he shy? his thighs looks fat too, doc tried to scan his didi but its block or he hide it...haha

1.1kg, average at 28weeks and 1 day and the docotr said i put on too much weight, hmm i have to control my diet now. but i can't resist ice cream...haha

control control

had a chat with the doc on how does contraction feels like, well she explained to me but she mentioned I will know it when it comes, just like other patients who later feedback to her that its so silly to ask the question. She also mention my tummy is small for 28weeks and thought Jack is very small but it seems ok when she mesaures.

next month have to do the booking and pay the deposit for the delivery and room already.

oh ya Jack's head is alredy down, no wonder I have been feeling stong kicks at my stomach and intestine area. If he remains down from now, i have a very high chance of natural birth. placenta is not low and the amount of water in the waterbag is ok. I still need to drink more water.

pray! for natural birth and no pain reliever needed

finally

2009-03-06T10:00:00.002+08:00

i finally bought some baby products.

Milk bottles, one small pack of drypers, 1 box of wipes and cot sheet.

Based on the checklist that i compiled from many sources and strike off those simon and I think its not necessary, we actually don't have much things to buy from kiddy palace or rather i felt that only when i give birth then decide whether we need or not.

Might need to buy more bottles, wipes, drypers, etc.. but that will be nearer to the date because somehow if i buy too many, the things will go missing.

Just like the bath tub, i intended to use the one which we bought for the chinese wedding customs but it was no where to be found. Still pending whether to get a new one or not.

Clothes and cot are somehow decided to take from my brother...haha simon and i are more to the money saving part cos i always feel hand-me-downs are better, clothes are softer, plus how nice the clothes or things are, the baby won't know and soon will outgrown everything. PLUS the things are so expensive.

about 40% of the stuff will be purchase from supermarkets or from market esp the handkies. Daddy here don't believe in "baby" towel, "baby" laundry detergent, stuff where the word "baby" is stated which prices are also inflated.

Planned to head down to ikea to get some cabinets to put the things but that will be after my project where the tables and my things will be cleared for the baby.

anyone wants to go baby products shopping with me?

I still remember last time the whole house is full of my things, before i move out to simon's place, once i cleared all the things in my house and officially move over to simon's place, i actually don't have much things left, just clothes, some bags, some figurines and the rest of the stuff are my study notes and books which i planning to clear them soon. I think its a good thing, lesser things for ppl to "check" and take.

decision

2009-03-01T15:42:00.002+08:00

finally decide not to get confinement lady

the baby fair was such a disappointment, think i will get all the things from kiddy palace.

recently i have been eating alot. and i'm starting to carve for sweet things.. I decide to do some excercise for my arms.

Cant wait for the end of this month cos i would have submitted my project and will be free.

And i'm still sleeping on my tummy. Jack must be so uncomfortable that he kicks hard.

Everyday i'm monitoring his kicks and that gave me the assurance that he is fine. For now just wait for the next visit.

swollen

2009-02-23T10:26:00.002+08:00

my legs are swollen?

thats what my sis-in-law told me..

oh no, too much water retension, but the problem is I still can't force water down.

This two weeks, my mood is really bad to the max.

I realy don't want my kid to come out being bad tempered as his in born character.

But i can't help it.

Baby fair at expo is coming and i have not plan what i want to get. This week will be busy week for me again.

the monthly checkup

2009-02-14T12:43:00.003+08:00

Went for the monthly checkup again, baby is now average size which means this one month he is growing very slow, all thanks to this mummy here always forget to eat the medicines.

My placenta is not as high as expected which is quite worrying but doc say there is still time for it to move up.

Jack now weighs 660g at 24weeks and 1 day and i think the doc will always check for the gender for every checkup from now to prevent any mistakes.

Jack was sleeping when the doc was doing the scan.

This boy here is very unpredictable, just like the mummy here, just when i know his sleeping pattern, he change it again.

Nothing much and doc say the baby is fine.

Next checkup will be 13th Mar 09, GA: 28 weeks 1 day

Recently the kick are getting stronger and sometimes when i lie down, i can actually see the kicks from the surface of the tummy.

Till the next update

Fat Fat

2009-02-06T10:31:00.002+08:00

Mummy here officially declare that all her clothes except for L size T-shirts will be cast aside till maybe 6 months later or when she finally go back to 50kg.

So this fat fat here till date aims to lose 10kg and more for the remaining pregnancy

morning sickness again

2009-02-03T10:03:00.002+08:00

Morning sickness is here to bug me again.

But i will survive, just take it day by day

just read some pregnancy week by week website update and Jack here is about 27cm in length.

Decide to go with the name, Jack, short and simple, although many friends don't like, they would prefer fanciful names but daddy here prefer Jack and Mummy here supports him!

Baby expo at end of this month, decide to go and grab all the good deals, since the paternal grandparents don't give a heck about Jack, mummy here will plan and do everything by herself! We don't need their help!

Lucky mummy's parents are supportive and have friends who are also very helpful in providing saving tips and advises.

Studies can delay because Jack is more important, next will be our house, hopefully the price will drop by end of this year.

In the mean time, Daddy here is touching mummy's tummy more frequently. Like the papa's army friend said, only when the tummy starts showing, the father gets more involved.

LOL

confinement lady

2009-01-30T10:50:00.002+08:00

i have called and booked the confinement lady,

decide to go with it after my mum told me i can't even bathe the baby for one month.

checked the caterers for the confinement food and it will cost me $1500 for only monday to friday, i think if include sat and sun, it will be $1700

so might as well get a confinement lady to save my parents rushing here and there to bring me food or to take care the baby and me or to trouble my grandma to cook for me.

To save me the trouble of taking care of the baby in the night.

To save me the heart attack of the maid who is lazy and dirty to take care of the baby

but $2000 is really very expensive but no choice, i have to "build" back my body system and at least learn the basics to take care of the baby so maybe i can take care of my grandchildren?

haha think too far already

think will call her in april to see what i need to get

names!!

2009-01-30T10:02:00.001+08:00

any nice boy's name to recommend?

balloon

2009-01-30T09:46:00.002+08:00

i gained 1.5kg again.

the way i'm gaining weight, i will have a very hard time losing weight later =(

1more kg and i will reach the 10kg gain mark and i still have 4.5motnhs more to go

my legs, hands and face are looking more balloon, due to fats? water retention? i just know its bad

started my walking exercise with simon but don't think can do it as often due to stupid work schedule and my project deadline is nearing.

skipping medicine again

2009-01-22T08:58:00.002+08:00

i skip my medicines again.

now i'm really suffering the full effect of heartburn and indigestion that i can't even force my medicines down.

my mum commented: finally your tummy is showing haha

i always try to tell myself, though i'm suffering from all the moringing sickness, this and that, i hope the more i suffer, the more the baby is growing well.

and i keep sleeping on my tummy, can't kick the bad habit.

think i should buy more pillows

baby kicking

2009-01-20T18:42:00.002+08:00

it started with simon hearing the bb "farting" in my tummy when he tried to hear.

then its gassy feeling in my tummy which sometimes i wonder is it me or the bb.

Next is pop corn popping feeling and its mild.

Now i can feel the usual pop corn popping feeling and at times esp at night i can feel the bb is either kicking or boxing. Esp yesterday, the kicks and boxes are so strong when the papa is watching Ip Man on his comp with the sound effect... so this bb likes to watch kung fu shows too?

i seriously can't wait for another 19 weeks plus because i hate to eat medicines, i hate the morning sickness, i hate the sleepless nights, i hate fatigue feeling all the time, i hate worrying whether the bb is ok inside, i fear to see blood or any brown discharge(thank god everything is ok so far),

i want to carry my own child, i want to play with bb, i want think of him everyday, i want to look forward to seeing him everyday

lastly i want to get back in shape and eat anything without thinking whether it will harm the bb.

Detail Scan

2009-01-19T11:16:00.002+08:00

This time round I don't have a photo of the ultrascan

I went for the detail scan and everything came back good

cofirm boy, no physical defect, placenta not low and everything is nomal

BB is 350g as at 16th Jan 09 and very active

BB somersault least 3 to 4times during the scan which makes the whole scan and test very fast.

BB size is medium to Large, good becos its growing well, bad is quite difficult to give birth to a big baby and may end up C-section.

BB size also confirms that my EDD is back to 4th Jun 09

already reach the half way mark and 20 more weeks to go

Putting on weight way too fast so i have to go on a diet already

Sugar level is currently normal but i'm scared it will go out of hand so better to control my eating too.

Begin taking fish oil which makes my morning sickness worst than before.

Gotten alot of milk samples and informations needed for pregnancy to childbirth to other things from the doctor.

next appt is 13feb 09 (24weeks 1day)

dizzy

2009-01-07T09:25:00.002+08:00

tummy getting bigger each day

though i can't notice the grow everyday but i compare it week by week and i feel the weight of the tummy is getting heavier

soon to be 20 weeks (the half mark of the 40 weeks)

still some cannot see that i'm preggy just fat

from first day till now, i have gained 7kgs and its not even half of the pregnancy yet, i'm going to be a fat mama =(

should cut down on milo, ice cream, rice and other fatty stuff

being feeling faint and dizzy too

next doc appt will be 16th Jan, Detailed scan to check for all the organs, should be able to confirm the gender by then

going to buy neutral colout clothes for the baby, seems like there are no hand downs for me. Have to buy all the stuffs ourselves, plan everything ourselves

sometimes its quite difficut when we have work, studies, projects and with me not feeling well sometimes and nobody help

=(

nvm we shall go the budget way

like the papa says, my kid is strong, no need any clothes and he still can survive